"No officer, I do not."

The story on how I got out of ticket numero dos, however, this is my fourth time being pulled over:

Officer: License, registration and proof of insurance please.
Me: [hands over the stuff] I know it says the insurance and registration are expired.. but my mother just moved and has the current documentation with her. (This is a lie, it's somewhere on my dining room table.)
Officer: Do you understand that you have to have these documents in your car at all times?
Me: Yes officer, I do.
Officer: (Who was rather cute, btw) Do you know why I pulled over you?
Me: [shakes head] No, no I do not.
Officer: What's the speed limit on the freeway?
Me: Sixty five.
Officer: I caught you doing eighty. Why were you going eighty?
Me: I.. I must have dozed off, I'm sorry. I had a long day at work.. I've been there for almost.. (I was going to say twelve because I'm dumb so I said) ..hella hours, and I just.. I'm tired.
Officer: And where exactly do you work?
Me: Hollywood Video. I'm a manager there.
Officer: Do you know the speed limit on Calle Real (the street HDub is on)?
Me: To be quite honest Officer, I do not. I just moved here.
Officer: Well, where you were zooming down towards Fairview, you were doing fifty. The speed limit is twenty-five. I've been following you since wayyyy back there. [smiles and laughs lightly] And then you got right on the freeway and went to doing eighty.
Me: [laughs]
Officer: [looks down at my information, then back at me] So if you want to pay $300 for a speeding ticket (which I have before, almost said I did, but thank god my conscience was like LOL DONT SAY THAT HE'LL KNOW YOU'RE BEING LOLDUMB), and I'm sure you don't want to do that.
Me: [shakes head]
Officer: [hands me back my stuff] So.. have a good night.

HOW DO I DO THIS MAGICZ? IVE DONE THIS SO MANY TIMES I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY DO COPS LIKE ME.

DEAR CALIFORNIA HIGHWAY PATROL (who monitors SB/Ventura/LA)

Thank you sooo much for NOT fucking catching the drunk driver who I reported TWICE who was drinking beer while he was driving. I appreciate you wasting your time on things like pulling over people without bluetooths instead. My bad, I thought you guys were actually concerned about our safety. WHOOPS MY BAD.

I also hope you all collide in the middle of the highway and become a huge clusterfuck of cop cars.

xoxo,

Lady Miss Sonic