Sunday, December 21, 2008

Lady Miss Sonic's Most Airbourne Week Ever

- I was at the airport, where I thought I saw David Haselhoff. I looked at the guy next to me and asked, "hey, is that David Haselhoff behind us?" He nodded and said, "Yes, and every five minutes I'm going to say Haselhoff to see you freak out again." He was cute. He looked like Ed Norton. I later got a pic with the Hoff. Will post later.

- I was talking to my stepdad, Bryan, and some drunk guy poured him more wine, and spilled it a bit. The drunk guy goes, "oh, sorry about your spillage." Bryan replies, "it happens to the best of us." I slam my head on the table and yell, "that's what she said!"

- My mom takes two shots of slivovica, and I tell RJ, "My mom just took two shots of slivovica at the same time, and that's 180 proof, oh shit, she's going for a third." He says, "I wish I was there to drink some sloppyvaginica with you!" I laughed and he said, "with something that strong, it's gotta be called that."

- My mother and I are looking at the DSW website. I didn't feel like clicking next page fourty-two times so I clicked see all, and my computer froze. My mother said, "that wasn't a good idea." I looked at her and said, "but waiting for it to load to see 686 shoes all at the same time is."

- Trista, the woman I met and befriended on the plane said, "this whole no more than 3.4 ounces of liquid on planes is bullshit. All it takes is two drops of cyanide, and you can get a mask from the people down there." I thought about it, and damn was she right.

- Sarah Morrison's blackberry trackball is falling out. It reminded me of the time when RJ's fell out. I then realized how miserable the woman must be.

- I convinced my Aunt Jacci to get a blackberry curve. I asked her how she liked it. She said, "I don't know it 100% yet. It's an intimidating device."

- I called Ryan to tell him about the Hoff. He said, "WHAT WHAT NO WAY. LIES." So I sent him a picture of a picture. It was fuzzy and pixelated, but no matter what condition any form of image of the Hoff is, you know it's the Hoff.

- Later, Christine sent me a picture of Anaconda 3 with David Haselhoff. I lol'd.

- Bryan kept trying to get me to smoke in front of my mother. My mother looked at him with a death glare. He stopped.

- My mother put too much food on Bryan's plate, and he couldn't finish it all. I looked at him and said, "you better find a way to finish that or my mother is going to cut your balls off." Two minutes later, my mother is found screaming at him.

- I look at the darts in my mom's room, and shrug, perplexed. Ernie says, "she's on a dart team. She made some woman cry." I didn't know what to say, so I looked at my mother and said, "you're like the Sarah Palin of darts."

- My aunt Jacci just recently got a breast reduction surgery, as did I about a year and a half ago. I tell her, "you can't buy underwire bras." She looked at me and said, "no, I'm allowed." I said, "no, it's not that you're not allowed, it's that when they do the surgery they make your boobs perky, and when you wear underwire your boobs push out evenmore and they're titties on a hammock." Her and my mom looked at me, and their jaws dropped.

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