On Tuesday night I drove up to Fresno with Christine and Kenny. I dropped them off at Brandi's house, and called the love of my life (who will remain unnamed, but its not like you'd know him anyways), to see if he was down to chill.
It was about half past midnight. He gave me the address and the gate code, and I made my way in. He opened the door and my heart stopped. I wrapped my arms around him, and he held me tightly. He led me to his room, and we talked for a bit, sitting next to each other on the edge of his bed. He layed down, and I lay across his feet as we began to watch the movie he had selected.
I complained about how he was kicking me. He laughed and said, "well, you're laying on it wrong."
The love of my life had a girlfriend. And as mentioned before, that wouldve been me if I hadn't made some stupid mistake. I didn't want to burst his bubble, or make him feel uncomfortable.. But I listened and I lay parallel to him, just distant.
As time passed by, we lay closer and closer to each other.. One arm under my head, and the other around me, either around my waist or caressing me in some way.
He went on his computer at one point, and I fell asleep. I then sometime later felt his hand rubbing my side, touching my hair, and tickling me lightly. I pretended to be asleep, but then I gave in and looked at him. His smile always made me melt.. That entire night it seemed like we always had to be either holding hands or in each other's arms..
There was no sex, no inappropriate shenanigans, no kissing.. Just holding and caressing.. And let me tell you, it was the best night of my life. For years I've been wanting to be held in his arms..
But now I go back to crying.. Crying until the sun comes up because, well, he's not mine.. And he probably never will be.. But I know he knows that I will always love him, and I will be right here if he ever changes his mind..