Thursday, August 14, 2008

I miss you, Bay Area.

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.

Now change Boston to Santa Barbara.
I thought Santa Barbara is where I could start all over again, I had hope, hope that my life would fix itself. My life just started to get good, I had my new best friend Corrina, and all the work fun, and the possible promotion.. and then I just had to leave. I had to go to school down here, I couldn't have been satisfied with DVC and lived in that three bedroom house in Orinda for free.

You never know you miss something so much until it's gone. I cried because I didn't have RJ to run to at night, and by night I mean three AM on a Tuesday morning. I cried because I had no more Skaggs Island to go to, and just chill. No more endless Denny nights with my two best men, Kevin and Cody. No late night cigarettes with Trinity. No giving Andrew and Tony headaches with my endless rampages about sex and me being drunk. No more last-minute "hey, there's that rave tonight," with Colleen and Daniel. My little sister is gone now too, I can't be there for her. I no longer live exactly (yes exactly, we measured in the third grade) a mile away from Rachael, my best friend since I was a kid. No more endless nights in the car with Maiove, as we multi-tasked with venting and texting. No more video game LAN parties with Nikki and Kat, no more random shack days with Alex.

It's all gone.

Corrina text me the other night: "I'm lonely. I miss you."

I cried my eyes out. I really did.

While down here, I've already had sex, fallen in love, confused and broken someone's heart, slacked off, gotten really high, been super drunk for two weeks straight, made the worst paycheck ever, and find out a friend from up North liked me.

And it really sucks. It sounds exciting, but not without the people I love most.

And I have no idea how the next three years are going to go by.

I love you all, and you all know who you are.

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