It's the stupid people like you that keep my job.. useful, I guess. I mean, yes, I'd still have it if there weren't the stupid people, but it wouldn't be as entertaining. I'm going to go over almost every single stupid situation I can think of.
The Return & Rent:
Do NOT put your fucking returns in the green "OVERNIGHT DROP OFF BOX," and then come into the store and rent movies. It's really aggravating when you have the MVP plan, and complain about your returns and don't even tell me where they are. If you're going to return movies and rent, you might as well set them on the fucking counter like everyone else.
"I have that thing..":
Every single time I work, I get the same shit, "Are you returning?" "I have that thing where I trade movies." ... I UNDERSTAND THAT. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO RETURN YOUR MOVIES EVENTUALLY, SO JUST GIVE THEM TO ME NOW. AND YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME YOU HAVE MVP. IT SHOWS UP WHEN I PULL UP YOUR ACCOUNT.
Do not walk in and ask the cardboard Zoltar stand-up what you should rent. You're making yourself look like an idiot.
"Where's (insert new movie here)?":
It's in alphabetical order dumb ass. It's the regulars that constantly ask this question that really press my buttons. Now, if you were asking for the category of a movie, I wouldn't mind so much. Unless it was obvious, like Thomas the Tank Engine.
"What? I returned that movie in on time!":
No, no you did not. I love it when people say, "I turned that in on time," and start bitching when I respond with, "Actually, ma'am, my computer here says that you returned Death at a Funeral ten days late." Do not try and argue your way out of your stupid mistakes. Ten days late. A day would be more understandable. But ten? Just stop before I lose my mind and strangle you.
"Do you guys still have that deal thing with the popcorn?":
All right, Sir, there's only signs fucking everywhere (including along the NR wall), saying, "$10.99 Bundle deal! Two new movies, two popcorns, one candy, and a soda!" Yes, jackass, we still have the thing with the popcorn.
"Would you like to get two popcorns and a candy and a soda for $2.99 today?":
When I offer you a bundle, please do not give me the whole fucking story of: "I have popcorn at home," or "I'm going to go get candy at Raley's instead." I don't give a shit, just say no.
"And would you like to place a $0.25 damage waiver on your movie today?":
My GOD. Simple question. But nooo, people are stupid. "If it's damaged when I get home, I'm bringing it right back." ARE YOU STUPID? IT'S FOR IF YOU DAMAGE IT. LIKE, IF YOUR DOG EATS IT, THE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS WILL COVER IT. IF IT'S SCRATCHED, BRING IT BACK AND WE'LL EXCHANGE IT FOR A NEW ONE. OH. MY. GOD. HOW STUPID DO YOU PEOPLE GET? And don't give me the whole bullshit, "I'm never going to damage my DVDs." Just fucking say NO.
"Is this a movie?":
Hey, hey dumbass. Look at the big red sticker that says DISPLAY BOX on it. Yeah, it's not a fucking movie.
Do not lurk around my counter and watch everyone return movies and continually ask me, "Is Rambo in? Is Rambo in?" The next Rambo that comes in will become one with your face.
"Hannah Montana is suck a fucking slut. Alvin.. that fucking rat." This is kindddd of pointing at one regular. Nobody cares what you think. And please, learn how to use the f-word.
"I'm returning.. where do I put my movies?":
If you seriously can't figure it out, please, just leave.
"Hello, what's Game Crazy's number?":
Ever heard of 411?
"If you place a $0.25 damage waiver on both of these movies, I'll give you the second movie for free."
It's when people say, "no" that really pisses me off. Here we are, offering to SAVE YOU MONEY, and have your DVDs insured, and you just.. turn it down. What is it with people? The playguard is not some alien that's going to eat all your movies in your sleep. It's not a scam, it's a fricken damage waiver.
"Here's my card if you ever need someone to watch movies with."
Do I really look THAT old? I'm seventeen. I mean, sure, Iesha thought I was twenty-two, and that's understandable, but it's when the fifty-year old bastards start hitting on me. Look at me, I'm young, I'm OBVIOUSLY not interested. Maybe some will buy me a diamond ring for self defense, and I can pretend to be engaged. Hey Andrew..
"Is that your name right there?"
No, that's why it's on my name tag. Just ask me how to pronounce it. Sure, it's got a J in it. Just ask.
"So I got this letter in the mail.."
Just read the damn thing. It means you haven't returned a movie in over a month, and you need to return it or pay the fucking ridiculous fee. Bam. End of story.
"Why are you wearing all black?"
It's my uniform. You're an idiot.
"So all these movies are $10?"
No, the sign is just there to fuck with you.
"Do I rent video games over here or at Game Crazy?"
Seriously, you're that stupid? Figure it out. It's on OUR side of the fence. Game Crazy keeps it's little creatures in a cage. Are the game rentals in the little cage? Noooo.
And those, my friends, are just a small bit of the stupidity my customers bring to me. Yesss, creatures, bring me more. Entertain me with your small brains and inferiority!